The Evolution Toward Headless Porn

“But I believe that porn works against my interests as a woman; and, all of my roles in life unfold from my being a woman.”

Porn has leaked into Madison Avenue (or boys brought what they knew from high schools and colleges to Madison Avenue). In the process, all women – the young, the old, the married, the single, the mothers; and, all children – teenage girls and pubescent boys, have been re-imagined as sexual objects in Madison Avenue’s effort to sell automobiles.

Media, technology, messaging and advertising are powerful tools: I am of the camp that advertising either taps into societal consciousness; or, advertising pulls society another way by pretending to be the Wizard, smoke and mirrors and all.

I tend to think that the advertising which is reflected back to society has the greatest zing: companies either get ahead of the direction society is going and call first; or, risk looking a bit Tyrannosaurus. And I tend to not associate the Mesozoic Era with good things.

Mercedes. (And, with all due respect, featuring the most beautiful, Kate Upton). Ad: 2013 Super Bowl.

Much like Justice Potter Stewart’s opinion in Jacobellis v. Ohio (1964), I know it when I see it; and so do you; and, your son, your daughter, spouse; and, so does Madison Avenue.

Truth be told, I am uncomfortable with porn. I have watched it. Ask any girl who is wrapped into a man if she hasn’t watched porn when asked; most will say yes. Sometimes it’s our naive way of emotionally connecting to the man sitting to our right – the one who is not so subtlety telling us he would like to do things. And I have watched porn during lonely times in my life and that’s a sad place to be. And, at the risk to personal reputation, I will admit to a few private, and perhaps not so private moments with porn that I have enjoyed very much.

But I believe that porn is against my interests as a woman; and, all of my roles in life unfold from my being a woman.

I personally choose not to support porn as an industry.

Before anyone goes there – find your cat fights elsewhere: from a political perspective, I believe women working in the sex industry should have access to free health care; social support systems to leave the industry; and, educational paths to better well-being. And what I really believe is that we’re never going to cover a story on Justice Sotomayer running from a life making a living in the sex industry, because education was her path. Education means options for women.

But knock me over with a feather, if you think I am going to accept 2-minute advertising clips during the Super-Bowl half-time show, advertising porn in my home.

I buy what comes into my home, with my money. Which means if I don’t like what your company is selling, I know how to get as good of value (and probably better) elsewhere. But now the sexualization of women and children is everywhere and its kudzu; it is growing faster than I can clear it out.

I will now be able to experience that 2-minute Super Bowl Ad over and over again on my nightly news or the front page of my copy of the morning paper…or in the results of my Yahoo search.

Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families by Pamela Paul was the tipping point for me. After reading the book, porn became a political and moral issue.

I believe porn can be dangerous and bringing that type of imagery or messaging to a population who hasn’t fully rectified the fact that women contribute to society, is setting real women up for a very difficult path: now  the idea that other people have of me is that I have to please a man ’til midnight because my beauty has a clock; care (and I don’t mean love) for my children morning, noon and night; work through a day and into a morning for a salary, so that I can contribute my passion to the world and my financial means to our household (for less pay than a brother would get in the same role).

I am told that I need protection, but now even the military is recognizing there are advantages to enlisting women on the battlefield: women aim and they are good. As a country, we should be grateful.

I am not complaining; I am capable at my life; I just know how less empowered other women will be when they walk that path.

And some of that pull on empowerment comes from the violence in porn.

Women experience the violence of men’s ideas and fantasies and power struggles every day in our lives and men are bombarded with these types of ideas everywhere in their lives; the idea is literally being sold to them.

To women, it’s more real:

I know how a body shakes when it fears for its life; I know how a child’s mind works when they are abused; I know what it is like to be physically uncomfortable in my physical space because a man was working on one of those ideas; I know what it feels like to “pretend” to ignore a sexist joke made at my expense (the wink gave it away) at a board room table.

The fact is I have only seen it all (every sick and twisted thought about women and children) represented and gathered in one place; and, that is in pornography. And now I’m seeing those same types of ideas and images everywhere; radio, television, advertisements, politics. I find that dangerous to my welfare.

Now, you’re interfering with my livelihood, because advertising is promoting ideas of me as a sexual being in all areas of my life.

American Apparel and the Cotton Industry’s stamp of approval.

I don’t allow porn in my home. And, increasingly, I do not allow basic television, which is paid advertising, into our home.

I discover the media that I bring to my children and my family; and I will always romantically think of technology for that reason.

And I influence my entire family in lots of ways – including financially - and I will always, always, romantically think of feminism for that reason.

And I emotionally care for my family – and sometimes that means my having emotional strength and a centered balance – and, I will always romantically think of women who weren’t as strong.

It’s because of them, that I think I know how to be clear and how to be to the point.

If our son sees an image I find offensive and he asks, I tell him the truth:

When he sees a woman in a bikini wearing fur boots, holding a beer can, I say, “Yes, the beer company wants you to buy their beer. Their beer will change the way you feel emotionally because there will be periods in your life that are tough and sometimes people need to alter how they feel. They are using the woman with the big breasts in a bikini and fur boots, because she is very pretty and she gets your attention. Wearing a bikini in the snow implies having a party and having fun. But the company is still trying to sell you something. You’ll have to wait until your…21 and then you can decide if you like the beer for yourself.

Burger King.

Our son is six.

Our daughter is three: I tailor the lessons about media influence in her life to her and for me that means protecting her right to imagine herself in any role she chooses.

LYNX shower gel.

My children will be good people because they will know to ask questions: they will connect to themselves, when they are vigilant in what theysee.

And when I think about what I want to contribute to the world in my role as mother, I think, “I want them to know themselves” because that is my payment of gratitude to the universe and that is my role as protector to my God.

I only see connections in my life. I do not compartmentalize well.

Several years ago, there was a shift in imaging of women and my life has never been the same since. The shift was away from the woman of fantasy, the one a man works toward toward (a personal favorite – it saves me time); and became the sexually compliant female.

This is a tough bone to chew for a lot of women.

And, okay, I’m tough, but then there was another shift and now I’m being asked to buy items for my household – with my individual purchasing power – that are imaging boys and girls sexually. I have a problem with that kind of advertising.

Girls Gone Wild was the worst thing to happen to teenagers. When that series took off, American Apparel saw an opening and reality programming became a thing and Barely 18 advertising the new norm.

Arena Homme.

And why stop there? Apparently, there are mothers who like to get their wild thing on as well. (And MILF isn’t just represented in porn. See below. )

No longer are older women protected as wise sages in society – they too are sexual machines in desperate need of…sex. No longer are young girls to be nurtured and protected through society – they also want a in on the action. Married women secretly want men to notice and seduce them. And young boys really do have a thing for older men, because why else would you advertise young, barely dressed boys? It seems everyone in our society is up for grabs except for the segment of the population who produces this media.

Everything is about sex in today’s society: The message I hear is that all women and girls and boys secretly want to please or be pleased by men.

And the answer for me, from a libertarian point of view, is to take personal responsibility for my ills do what I can do in everything I do, in my role as a woman.

Originally published: May 16, 2012. We've updated the article for clarity and new examples (seven months later). The article was chosen as an Editor's Pick on Open Salon in its original form. It is being republished after edit for clarity, which only came around December 18, 2012.

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